Winning People, Not Arguments

There’s something in all of us that wants to be right: to win! We’re competitive, and good-natured bantering can be great sport: Which team will win the Super Bowl? Who makes the best pizza? What is the best pickup truck? But when the amperage increases and the emotion meter rises, we can find ourselves in an all-out argument that is more about winning than enjoying those we’re with. I’m sure we all know, by experience, that this can lead to hurt feelings and damaged relationships.

When it comes to the gospel, there’s no place for arguing because we don’t have a horse in the race. All we’re doing is working with God as He draws people into a relationship with Himself. We’re like a third party working to introduce two people to one another, and if it ever becomes about our winning, there’s a good chance we’ll ruin the introduction.

Does this mean we agree with everything people say and aren’t trying to change their thinking? No. We disagree that all religions are the same, that people are good enough without Jesus, and that people can earn their salvation. Then what do we mean by winning people, not arguments?

It means we’re more interested in helping someone find Jesus than in arguing a point that, at the time, might not matter. It’s not a US vs THEM competition because we have nothing to win. We’re simply a third party working to make an introduction.

There are any number of Christian values that non-Christians don’t agree with, and in some ways, we shouldn’t expect them to. I’m sure there were things you took issue with before becoming a follower of Jesus, and God is probably still working to make some changes. The Holy Spirit is the secret sauce when it comes to life change, and insisting people change without the sauce is a losing battle that can ruin relationships.  

Most of us as Christians have hot-button issues we feel strongly about. Many revolve around sexual practices, sexual identity, and the LBGTQ soup that keeps getting spicier with the addition of new letters. Then there’s the evolution vs creation debate, and of course, deeply rooted political differences. There’s no question the Bible speaks to many of these, but should they be the focus when our goal is to see someone’s life transformed by the power of the gospel?  

Jesus knew everything about everything, so whatever the issue, He’d be right! Yet it’s interesting that He never addressed one of the biggest hot-button issues of the day: Rome's occupation of Israel. You can be sure everyone had an opinion on this one, yet Jesus wasn’t going to be part of it. In His interaction with a woman who’d been caught in adultery, He never discussed the subject. When He spoke with a woman who’d been married five times and currently lived unmarried with a sixth, her morality wasn’t His focus. He had bigger fish to fry.

One of the most fascinating things about Jesus is that while the religious leadership didn’t like Him, the sinners did. Go figure! How could the unrighteous possibly be attracted to the most righteous person ever to walk the earth? Was it because He changed His message, agreed with their thinking, or engaged in their unrighteous ways?

No: it’s because He was different. As God, the fruit of the Spirit oozed from His pores: love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control. Even in their disagreements, it was who He was that drew them.

Winning people, not arguments, means not making aggressive frontal attacks on issues that aren’t critical to the gospel. When a person comes into a relationship with Jesus, it’s the Holy Spirit who goes to work cleaning them from the inside out. Trying to clean fish before they’re caught can scare them away and ruin relationships.

It also means allowing the Holy Spirit to temper our disagreements so they don’t get confrontational and ugly. We never want to be so focused on winning the battle that we lose sight of the war. The heart of God is to redeem those He loves into a relationship with Him, and everything else pales by comparison.

It’s about winning people, not arguments.